Friday, May 30, 2014

Late weigh in and stuff

I weighed in on wed but never got around to posting on here.  Anyway...257.4.  So down a little bit from last week.  Just need to keep it going in the right direction.

Life is just crazy.  I want to move on with me life, but promised my husband that I wouldn't file for divorce until he found a job.  I know he's looking, but it's just taking time.  I feel stuck.  I don't know how long I can keep this up.  It's not the being married part, it's living together.  Financially it doesn't make sense to live separately, but just want to be free.

So emotional eating is still pretty bad.  At least I'm recognizing it for what it is. Now need to stop it.  Easier said than done.

I met with a lawyer this week to better understand the whole process.  Seems pretty straight forward.  Luckily for me my work offers a free consult and 25% off all fees after that. 

So nothing up lifting or inspitational from me today, maybe next week will be better.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Two Years Ago Today...

I has surgery that changed my life forever. It's been awhile since I've been on here, and there's a reason for that...I've felt like a failure. I got on the scale this morning and it said 258.6.

I've been on a slow but steady rise for the last almost 10 months. I didn't want to admit that I was struggling, big time, I didn't want to be just another statistic of failed weight loss surgery.

But today, as I look back on the last two years I can see that I'm not a failure. I am still a work in progress. I may have gained some of the weight back, but at 2 years out I am still 70 pounds lighter than I was when I started this journey. For today I will take that as a win. I still want to get back to where I was (100 pounds lost) and maybe more, but for now I have to celebrate how far I have come, not how far I still have to go.

These last few months have been a rollercoaster. Emotional eating has gotten out of control. I just went back to see the PA and get a fill for the first time in almost 7 months. I lost the first two weeks after, but saw a small gain this morning. I shouldn't be surprised... I did east that pie and ice cream almost every day this past week after all.

I'm going to be a weight loss statistic in another way as well. I have asked my husband for a divorce. We had problems before my surgery, he was never supportive of my surgery/journey to be healthier. I came to the realization that we were not in a healthy relationship. Part of the regain had to do with him not being supportive of my new eating/exorcise habits. I'm not going to blame him completely, he didn't force me to eat or stop working out, but the stress our relationship cased played a big part in it.

We are still living together as he has been out of work since last fall. I don't think it's right to kick him out. I don't hate him, I just don't love him and don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore. Until he finds a job we will continue to live together. I just hope that's soon. I want to get on with MY life, and MY journey and not be weighed down by his issues anymore.

I am trying to get back on track, coming back to this blog was a hard thing for me to do. The support I got here was more than I ever got at home, and I can use all the support I can get right now.