I has surgery that changed my life forever. It's been awhile since I've been on here, and there's a reason for that...I've felt like a failure. I got on the scale this morning and it said 258.6.
I've been on a slow but steady rise for the last almost 10 months. I didn't want to admit that I was struggling, big time, I didn't want to be just another statistic of failed weight loss surgery.
But today, as I look back on the last two years I can see that I'm not a failure. I am still a work in progress. I may have gained some of the weight back, but at 2 years out I am still 70 pounds lighter than I was when I started this journey. For today I will take that as a win. I still want to get back to where I was (100 pounds lost) and maybe more, but for now I have to celebrate how far I have come, not how far I still have to go.
These last few months have been a rollercoaster. Emotional eating has gotten out of control. I just went back to see the PA and get a fill for the first time in almost 7 months. I lost the first two weeks after, but saw a small gain this morning. I shouldn't be surprised... I did east that pie and ice cream almost every day this past week after all.
I'm going to be a weight loss statistic in another way as well. I have asked my husband for a divorce. We had problems before my surgery, he was never supportive of my surgery/journey to be healthier. I came to the realization that we were not in a healthy relationship. Part of the regain had to do with him not being supportive of my new eating/exorcise habits. I'm not going to blame him completely, he didn't force me to eat or stop working out, but the stress our relationship cased played a big part in it.
We are still living together as he has been out of work since last fall. I don't think it's right to kick him out. I don't hate him, I just don't love him and don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore. Until he finds a job we will continue to live together. I just hope that's soon. I want to get on with MY life, and MY journey and not be weighed down by his issues anymore.
I am trying to get back on track, coming back to this blog was a hard thing for me to do. The support I got here was more than I ever got at home, and I can use all the support I can get right now.