Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Two Years Ago Today...

I has surgery that changed my life forever. It's been awhile since I've been on here, and there's a reason for that...I've felt like a failure. I got on the scale this morning and it said 258.6.

I've been on a slow but steady rise for the last almost 10 months. I didn't want to admit that I was struggling, big time, I didn't want to be just another statistic of failed weight loss surgery.

But today, as I look back on the last two years I can see that I'm not a failure. I am still a work in progress. I may have gained some of the weight back, but at 2 years out I am still 70 pounds lighter than I was when I started this journey. For today I will take that as a win. I still want to get back to where I was (100 pounds lost) and maybe more, but for now I have to celebrate how far I have come, not how far I still have to go.

These last few months have been a rollercoaster. Emotional eating has gotten out of control. I just went back to see the PA and get a fill for the first time in almost 7 months. I lost the first two weeks after, but saw a small gain this morning. I shouldn't be surprised... I did east that pie and ice cream almost every day this past week after all.

I'm going to be a weight loss statistic in another way as well. I have asked my husband for a divorce. We had problems before my surgery, he was never supportive of my surgery/journey to be healthier. I came to the realization that we were not in a healthy relationship. Part of the regain had to do with him not being supportive of my new eating/exorcise habits. I'm not going to blame him completely, he didn't force me to eat or stop working out, but the stress our relationship cased played a big part in it.

We are still living together as he has been out of work since last fall. I don't think it's right to kick him out. I don't hate him, I just don't love him and don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore. Until he finds a job we will continue to live together. I just hope that's soon. I want to get on with MY life, and MY journey and not be weighed down by his issues anymore.

I am trying to get back on track, coming back to this blog was a hard thing for me to do. The support I got here was more than I ever got at home, and I can use all the support I can get right now.


  1. You are absolutely not a failure. 70 pounds make a huge different in your health, and it might be hard to remember, but also how you feel. Go get a 30 pound bag of dog food and carry it upstairs. You'll be out of breath. Then remember that you've lost more than 2 of those! You're amazing, just keep yourself focused. You're going through some hard stuff, so do your best to focus on yourself.

  2. Glad to see you back, Colleen. I am sorry about the regain, but it seems that you are determined to turn things around—and as you say, you are still way ahead of where you started! So sorry about your divorce; even though you will end up in a healthier situation, I know you'll have to go through a lot of stress first.

  3. I am just getting caught back up with everyone. Sorry you are having such trouble. For what it is worth, you sound like you have a healthy mind about everything. Sending you hugs! Also, on your latest post...saw you had lost a few!!! Way to go!