Thursday, June 28, 2012

Fill Day 2

Haven't noticed much of a difference yet, but since I'm still on liquids I wouldn't expect to. I did notice this morning I had a little pressure in my chest.  Is there really a difference, or am I just thinking I felt a  difference? I know I am more aware of everything that I drink/eat now, looking for signs of a problem.  I'm really afraid of PBing/getting stuck.  

For the first time yesterday someone at work asked about my weight loss. I only told a few people, she wasn't one of them, but she noticed my weight loss and  my small portions and put 2 and 2 together.  She was very supportive.  Her daughter has been thinking about WLS, but isn't sure if it's right for her.  I told her I would be willing to talk to her daughter and share my experience.  It felt good to talk about, I would love to help others on their journey.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

First Fill

Had my first post op visit with my surgeon.  I'm glad he's good at operating because his bedside manner is lacking. He's not horrible like some surgeon's I've had, just quick and to the point.  I think I saw him for all of five minutes.  He was getting up to walk out the door when I said I had questions, kind of had to reel him back in the room, but I did get answers.

So here's the set up for the fill.  The nurse wasn't sure he was going to want to do one since it wasn't 6 weeks since surgery... no it was only 5 weeks and 2 days. She set up for it just in case.  He agreed to do it though, so that made me happy.

It was actually the PA that did the fill, and she was great.  No problems finding the port, got the needle in the first try.  Didn't hurt, just pinched as it went in.  She put in 3cc sat me up and had me drink some water (with the needle sticking out (yes that big honking needle with the yellow cap in the picture).  Has some gurgling/burping with the 3, so she took out 0.5 and everything was fine.  Laid back down and she took the needle out.  Easy peasy lemon sqeazy.

So I am now the proud owner at a 10cc band with 2.5cc fill.  So far so good, have to be on liquids for 2 days, soft for 1 then progress as tolerated.  Had a protein shake without problems.  Do feel some tightness in my chest, similar to what I felt the first day or two after surgery. Hopefully it goes away like it did before.

The great news is I saw the dietitian and I have officially lost  33 pounds since surgery 5 weeks and 2 days ago (and 35.7 pounds since my initial weigh-in).  I know it will slow down, so I can't count on this pace, but so excited for how far I've come so quickly.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Quick update

So tomorrow is my first visit with my surgeon since surgery.  Can't wait to see what he thinks of my progress, and to get weighed.  Who would of thought I was excited to get weighed at the dr?  I think I'm going to break down and buy a scale for home.  Just weighing once a month was ok during the "healing" stage, but I'm not sure about now.

Not sure if I'm getting a fill or not tomorrow.  I really hope I get one, but kind of scared as well.  Not of the fill, but of the possible restriction.  I'm scared of being too tight, of PBing.  Rationally I know it will be fine, just first time jitters I guess.

I also meet with the nutritionist, and hopefully will get to advance my diet to more normal (bandster) size portions instead of the 2oz meals I have been eating.  Or 2-4 oz meals I've really been eating in the last couple of days, if I'm being really honest.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Friday, June 22, 2012

It's about moderation not deprivation

So after my pity party I had yesterday I did some thinking...scary I know.  Yes I ate the apple strudel, but was it the end of the world?  No.  Is it going to derail my journey?  Absolutely not!  I'm human, we all are.  No one is perfect, least of all me.  I can't beat myself up for being human. I went cold turkey on carbs and I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did (well except for that one instance with the donut, but I bet if I had that now I would eat the whole thing).

I have been trying to follow my doctors instructions to the letter.  I've done well, but it's getting hard.  I'm hungry and I have no restriction. (That strudel went down just fine).  I know I'm still in the healing phase, and according to my surgeon durin this phase it's 2oz meals 3 times a day plus 2-3 protein shakes.

The problem is I'm 5 weeks out and I need to eat more that 700 calories a day.  Even with the 440 clories from the strudel I only hit 958 calories.  So without that strudel I would have been at 518. YIKES!

Yes in the begining it was great, no hunger and  weight dropping off.  However it makes no sense to me that this week I can only eat 2oz and by next week I can have up to a cup of food per meal.  Can we get a little bit of transition?   

So here's my plan:  follow the prescribed plan as much as I can, but I'm not going to beat myself up.   Soon the prescibed plan won't be as rigid, and what  will happen then?  I need to re-train my brain into not focusing on food.  The way to do that isn't from depriving myself of things that I want.  That will only make me want it even more, so I will get into a situation where I have to have it.  The lesson I have to teach myself is moderation.  That's why I got this band in the first place.  I still want to be able to eat, just eat less. 

So onto my next stage of this journey.  Never thought it was going to be easy, but I will do this.

Oh and I had 2 oz of turkey meatball for dinner instead of the 1 I'm supposed to have.  I'm such a rebel ;)

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Feel Like Puking

I've been doing so well, or so I thought. Don't you just love it when you start feeling self righteous about how this isn't really bad, and you don't know why other people are struggling...and then a big dose of reality smacks you up side the head? This week is hunger is just kicking my butt.  I just want to eat...everything and anything.  

I've been following my doctor's/nutritionist's plan and it has worked well for me, until this week.  I've been tracking my food on MyFitnessPal, and I've been amazed that I've only been eating 700-800 calories a day and NOT feeling hungry.  It's been great, and I thought I had it all figured out.  Little did I know.

Today I gave into temptation.  I was so hungry (real or head hunger I haven't figured out yet) I had to have something.  I started fixating on the coffee shop downstairs that sells these amazing apple strudel.  I did resist until after lunch and then told myself I would only have a tiny bite.  Well that 1 bite turned into 1/4 of it, which turned into 1/2, then that ugly voice in my head said " you might as well it the whole thing"  so that's what I did.

Now I want to puke.  Not literally, I didn't get stuck, PB or anything.  No restriction has it's benefits I guess. I just feel like I've failed.  My first real test and I got a big old F-.  

Monday, June 18, 2012

One month in band land

I can't believe 1 month ago today I was banded.  The time has flown by!  I don't have a 1 month weight loss since I don't have a scale in the house.  I go back to the surgeon next week and I'll get a weight then.  I'm wavering on when to get a scale.  I'm going to try and hold out 1 more month.  I'm the type that would be on the scale multiple times a day.  It would be nice though to be able to do weekly weigh ins.

I took pics last night.  I can't really tell a difference and I'm ok with that I know my clothes are fitting better.  I will be doing pics every month and can't wait to see the difference this time next year.

Pre Surgery

Month 1

Pre Surgery

Month 1

Pre Surgery

Month 1

Friday, June 15, 2012

Another One Bites the Dust

Another pair of pants that is.  My go to casual Friday khakis are all but falling off today.  So I think this will be the last time the make an appearance.  Happy Dance.  This morning I did find an older pair of  khakis in the closet, I haven't tried them on yet, hopefully they'll fit.

Thursday, June 14, 2012


1. I don’t own a scale, so I can only weigh myself when I go to my surgeon’s office either for a checkup or a support group. I have a check up, and possible first fill, on 6/27. I can’t wait to weigh in.

2. Never would have thought I’d be excited to get on the scale at the doctor’s.

3. On 6/6 I was 21 pounds down since surgery. I’m hoping to be 30 pounds down by 6/27.

4. I love my surgeon’s eating plan. Seems like I’m always eating or drinking something.

5. I’m averaging about 700 calories a day, and the amazing thing is I’m not hungry! (Well I’ve had a couple of hunger episode, but they weren’t too bad and they didn’t last). I can’t believe eating so little is relatively easy for me to do.

6. Our new dog Missy had a nickname…”Miss-demeanor”. She gets on the furniture any chance she gets, even if we have just made her get down. Hopefully she’ll learn soon.

7. She’s got such sad hound dogs eyes I’m almost willing to let her stay on the couch.

8. I tried Muscle Milk Banana Cream for the first time this week, and spit it out after one sip. Most disgusting thing I’ve ever tasted.

9. I bought a new black cardigan sweater to wear in the office since they seem to think if it’s hot outside it should be sub-zero inside. Well I bought an 18/20. It fits as long as I don’t try to button it up. I can’t wait until I can wear it buttoned up and not look like a sausage.

10. Just a little over 6 weeks until vacation and I can’t wait!

Monday, June 11, 2012

New Clothes

Well not rely new, but new from the depths of my closet. I had to retire two pairs of pants that are too big (insert happy dance here). They were already loose,and with the recent loss they were falling off loose. So I went diving into my closet to come up with replacements. I found two pairs of pants I haven't worn in a while an tried the on. Both fit great! So happy because a couple of months ago there was no way I was squeezing myself into those pants

Jut don't get me started on the messed up nature of women's clothing sizes. One pair is a 24 and the other is a 28. How can the both fit perfectly? Should the 28s be falling off is the 24s are the right size? So what size do I wear right now? So frustrating! I'm glad I'm just shopping in my closet and not out at a store.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Holy Scale Victory Batman!

Went to support group tonight, still loving it. Tonight there was a woman who is 2 years out from surgery. Shes done great, just wanted to make sure she stays on track during maintenance. Just a reminder that you always can use support no matter where you are at in your journey.

And now for the exciting news........

21 pounds down since surgery!

Can I get a whoo doggey?!?!?! I know this isn't sustainable, but I'll take it while I can get it.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Some NSVs

So it's been two weeks since I hopped on the bandwagon. This are going really well so far.

1. Went out to eat on Saturday with my husband and it worked out well We were going to a concert and had already planned on going out to dinner. It's a cafeteria style place, so it was easy to order what I wanted and not worry about waiters asking if everything was ok, or if I wanted something to drink. I got meatloaf and cut off my 2oz portion (guestimated) and put the rest in a to go container. Planned ahead and had a cooler in the car to keep the leftovers cool during the concert. So I've had meatloaf for dinner sat, sun, will have it today and there will still be some leftover.  I think 3 days is enough though.

2.  Tried on a pair of capris that were definitely too small before surgery (could barely get them zipped).  They were still a little tight in the waist, but I would wear them out of the house and not feel uncomfortable.

3.  I had taken off my wedding and engagement rings before surgery and hadn't put them back on yet.  I had to use lotion to get them off they were that tight.  Well, put them on this morning and could tell a difference, they're not falling off by any means, but they're looser.

I will confess it's not been all rainbows and kittens, it's gotten hard because I'm starting to feel hunger.  Not head hunger, but real hunger.  I ran to the store Friday and while I was there I was tempted by the baked goods and I gave into temptation and got a Boston Cream donut (my absolute fave!). I started eating it in the parking lot, teeny tiny little bites...I had about 6 of those (would have been less than 1 regular size bite) and guess what?  It didn't taste good, in fact it tasted bad, so I stopped.  Not sure why it tasted bad, if something was wrong with it.  I have noticed some things do taste different to me since the surgery, may that's it, or maybe my brain finally kicked in and said STOP EATING YOU IDIOT!!!

Overall Things are good, now that hunger has returned the hard part is really starting.  Will Power needs to be my best friend now.  How's everyone else doing with hunger?