One Year Ago...

I changed my life forever and had my lap band placed.  It hasn't always been easy, but it always has been worth it.  Here are the pics to prove it!

May 20, 2012

May 20, 2013

Before pic was 4x top and 3x bottom, 12 month pic is xl top and bottom.

I don't have an official weigh loss, that won't happen until next week when I go to the dr for my one year follow up.  I know I'm somewhere between 95-100 pounds lost.  One year ago I wouldn't have thought that was really possible.  I had no real idea of how this journey was going to go, I just knew I was going to change.

I'm still working on getting to my goal of under 200 pounds.  That is about 30 pounds still to go.  I don't know if that's where I'll want to maintain, or if I will want to lose more.  Just taking things one day at a time.

I'm not perfect with my food choices, but that in itself is my choice.  I know I will do better in the long run if I don't forbid myself anything.  I'm learning moderation.  I can eat what I want, just not huge portions.  That will be the key for success:  moderation, not deprivation.

I cheated

We had a friend stay with us this weekend... so I had to clean the guest bathroom. I couldn't resist the call of the scale (I keep it in the guest bath so I don't have to see it everyday) .

Anywho... I saw 229.8. I'm not going to count this as an official weighing. But...OMG that would be 99.2 pounds. I've got almost 2 weeks until my official one year weighin. Hoping to hit the century mark officially then.



Oh and to be honest I'm not perfect with my eating... I had an ice cream sundae for dinner tonight.

Non weigh in wednesday

Continuing the avoidance of the scale for another week.  It's gotten easier, I don't hear it call to me as much anymore.  Next weigh in will be in two weeks when I go in for my one year follow-up visit.  Crazy isn't it that it's been a year already.  Time really does seem to fly by the older I get.

This past weeks activity:

Wed:          Derby Lite
Thurs:        nothing, nadda, zippo
Fri:             Lifted weights for 20 minutes
Sat:            Zumba toning and walked the dogs 45 min
Sun:           walked the dogs 60 min
Mon:          20 min run on the treadmill (alternating 5mph and 4 mph)
Tues:         Zumba

I had to skip personal training this week and I'm glad. I've been battling a cold for the past week and I haven't had much energy.  Feeling much better, but still have the sniffles that won't go away.

Wearing a pair of pants that last week I could wear, but was afraid to bend over too quickly in fear they would split up the back.  This week they fit, maybe even a little loose.

Funny Friday

I missed personal training session this morning, and can't get to the other exercise class I wanted to take today, so this (hopefully) will be me this evening.  Looks like rain, so I may have to run on the treadmill instead of outdoors with the dogs.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Non-Weigh In Wednsday

First, thanks for all the comments.  It's nice to know that people understand.  It's hard to explain that feeling to someone who has never struggled with their weight and self image.  I tell myself I keep putting myself out there in the hopes that one day I won't have to worry about what other people are thinking about me, because I'm comfortable in my own skin.

It was very hard to resist the scale this morning, but I did.  Not scheduled to weigh in again until 4/29. So instead I'm going to re-cap my exercise for the past week.

Wed: Derby Lite
Thurs:  Nothing...went to a Gordon Lightfoot concert
Friday:  Person training...30 minutes of hell
Saturday:  60 minute walk with the dogs
Sunday: 45 minute walk with the dogs
Monday: 30 min "run" plus 10 minute walk
Tues: 60 min Zumba

So pretty good exercise week.  Food wise it was ok.  Struggling with wanting to eat things I shouldn't.  Sometime I give in, some times I don't.  Need to get to the point when the not giving in times out way the give in times.

Oh, and I'm in all day meeting today with a panera danish sitting right in front of me and a coffee cake at the next table.  So far I've resisted those, but I did give in to a warm chocolate chip cookie.  Need to be satisfied with the cookie, and not have more crap!

An accomplishment and a meltdown

So over on the left side of my blog is my Ease into 5K updates.  As you can see, as of yesterday I have complete all 8 weeks!!!!  You can also see that it's taken me a lot longer than 8 weeks.  That's OK.  I went at my own pace, I repeated (lots of) weeks.  I took time off, but in the end I did it.  I "ran" 30 minutes without stopping.  Of course I forgot to wear my Fitbit, so I have no idea how far I actually went.  Oh well, I'll have to do it again and make sure I wear it.

When I started Ease into 5K I thought there was no way I was ever going to be able to run for 30 minutes.  I had an incredible hard time running 30 seconds!  So for any of you out there who says they could never run 30 minutes, just try.  You don't have to succeed on the first try, but as long as you try you have succeeded.

I got this from Sarah over at Thinfluenced...go check her out, she's cool!

Ok, so that was the accomplishment, now onto the melt-down. I have been wanted to write about this, but struggle to be able to.  I seem to only write about the good things, my victories, but it's not all rainbows and kittens.  I try not to focus on the negative, but it's there.  I don't want to mislead anyone, this has been hard, so very hard, and I still struggle every day.  It's not easy for me to admit that, but let's be honest.  Sometimes things suck...suck big donkey balls!

I have been trying lots of different types of exercise, including the Ease into 5K mentioned above.  The thing is when I "run"  I go very slow, I mean people walk faster than I "run" slow".  That's usually ok, because I'm by myself.  I signed up for a program at work called Spring into 3.1, to help you prepare for a 5K.  Each week we meet on the track and workout together.  

I'm always the slowest one there, ALWAYS, and I mean by a lot.  I try not to let it bother me, but it does.  And these last two times I've gone I almost left in the middle of the workout because I was so embarrassed by how slow I was compared to everyone else. You see we are on a track that is in the middle of a bunch of buildings, so potentially lots of people could be looking out at us (and me).  

I know what you are thinking, that no one was paying any attention to what was happening on the track.  But in my mind, I'm positive that people are looking at me (and laughing at the fat girl trying to keep up with everyone else).

So two weeks in a row I had to stop running, gasping for breath, wanting nothing more than to walk away.  I think to myself, what the hell am I doing?  Why do I set myself up for this failure/humiliation?  Why am I out here? 

Putting myself out there is so hard for me. I struggle every say with feeling like I don't fit in because of my weight. I'm trying to work past those feelings, but it's hard.

Good news is I didn't walk away.  I took my time, but I kept going.  I may be slow, but I'm resilient.

Weigh in Wednesday

I'm still on a break from weekly weigh-ins, but I am going to weigh at the beginning and end of the month.  So today's weight:

234.8

That's down 0.2 pounds from last week when I when I weighed in at the dr.  I won't weigh again until I have my next dr appt on the 29th.  That will be for my 1 year visit, hard to believe that it's been almost a year since surgery.

I had set a goal to be 100 pounds down by one year.  Probably not going to happen, it would be 5.8 pounds in 4 weeks.  It's doable, but with the rate i've been losing at not likely.

That's ok, 100 pounds or the 94.2 pounds I'm at now is still almost unbelievable!  

I had some great luck at Goodwill last weekend.  Two pairs of work pants, one pair of casual capris and three tops to wear to work.  all for the grand total of $24.00.  Everything looks new, and all of it was from the "regular" section and not the plus.  I wore one outfit yesterday top was an xl and pants were a 16.

The pants I'm wearing today will be retired.  They are so big they are falling off, and the hems are dragging on the ground.  Glad I got some new pants!